Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
