drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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