I cockslap morals
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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