Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
