One girl and one boy is just not enough.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
