I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
