Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
