I met the friendliest cop last night
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
