Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
