cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
