I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
