I'm so fucking centered right now
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
