im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize