3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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