How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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