Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
