were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Randomize
