So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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