you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
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