the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
