Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
How's work?
Spinning.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
