I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
