I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
