i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Randomize
