I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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