would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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