So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
