I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
