your room smells of hookers.
And success
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
