I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
