eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
