So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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