If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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