I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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