I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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