Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
