belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
