Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
