just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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