butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
