im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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