i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
