Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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