So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
