What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
