Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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