You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
