I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
