9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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