Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Randomize
