you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Its about making memories worth repressing
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
