She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Randomize
