What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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