uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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