He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
