Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Are we in a gay sports bar?
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
