Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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