My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Randomize
