The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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