I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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