so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
