Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
