I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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