i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
