we made out on top of his cat.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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