every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
