i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i will never coherently bang her
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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