I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
