i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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