I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
