During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
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i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
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Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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