new low.... made out with someone while peeing
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
