after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
