I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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