so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
