I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Just invented taco cereal.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
