Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize