There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
