This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
