Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
