A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
