I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
