It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
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He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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