Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
