she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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